Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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