Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
