why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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