he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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