Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
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