Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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