i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
