3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
