***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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