I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I am available for nakedness
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
