Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
