but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
