You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
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Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
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He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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