so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
