i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
