This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
