I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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