dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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