the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
