Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
