Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
