with your own penis?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
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It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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