My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
