I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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