Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
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when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
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I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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