just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
