.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
