I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
