Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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