So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
