When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
