Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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