then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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