You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
