Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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