I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
