dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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