Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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