I must be too annoying 4 u.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
