What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
