don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
