she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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