hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
