i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
