I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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