we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
