the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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