I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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