Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
