Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
