i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize