HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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