Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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