did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
