He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
