Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
