How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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