I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
