the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
