I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
