Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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