i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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