Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
