your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
