His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
