jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
