Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
