Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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