They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
