No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
