i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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