so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
smell my finger.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
