At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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