I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
