Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
