The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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