im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
